There are four main types of temperament: sanguine, choleric, melancholic and phlegmatic. All these four make one behave and react to things differently. It is important to note that we cannot change the temperaments of our spouses. Rather, we have to learn to tolerate and handle their weaknesses and strengths. The temperament is the Maker’s method of creating variety. Come to think of it, what would there world be like if we all possessed the same temperament?
So many people do not accept the truth about temperaments. But you see, the reality of diverse personalities cannot be shunned, but gazes us in the face all the time. We must therefore be cognizant of these realities and fight every negative propensity that is common to our personalities and our loved ones. Since we cannot change the temperament of our spouses, it is important that we know and understand their temperaments so we can easily accept and flow with them, as well as forgive them when they hurt us, since their weaknesses will often offend us. I wish to tackle one of the four main temperaments – the melancholics, in this post.
Melancholic people are very analytical, deep and do everything in proper order with a clear memory of all things. They are persistent and see one project through to its completion before starting another. Melancholic people are self-sacrificing, willingly give up their own personal needs for the sake of, or to meet the needs of others. They treat others with deference, honor, and esteem. They are sensitive – intensively care about others and about what happens. When you see someone who is consistent, reliable, steadfast, loyal and devoted, sometimes beyond reason, then you are looking at a melancholic. They love to live according to a daily plan and dislikes their plan to be interrupted. They consistently desire to conduct themselves within their realm of what they feel proper.
However, melancholic people usually shrink from getting attention, resulting from self – consciousness which makes their spouses feel they are not wanted or loved. They have difficulty forgiving when hurt or injustice done to them, apt to hold on to a grudge and often hold ill feelings as a result of real or imagined offenses. This makes them very destructive. Because they are fussy, they insist over petty matters or details and call for great attention to trivial matters. This may lead to unnecessary quarrels in relationships. Also melancholics always feel insecure, apprehensive and lack confidence. They easily became jealous when they see their spouse in the company of the opposite sex. They demand for perfection, hard to please, setting standards so high that are difficult to ever satisfy them and that usually push others away, making them unpopular. This usually affect their sexual lives.
They are too sensitive, pessimistic and usually do not get highly emotional, but easily slip into low lows often when they feel unappreciated. They are too sensitive, easily offended when misunderstood, skeptical, revengeful, highly critical and feel down much of the time. They are introverts, with thoughts or interests directed inward and live within themselves.
The following tips will guide you to sterlingly handle your melancholic spouse.
1. At least try to be sensitive to the things that concern them. Do not pretend though. Since they are analytical, they can easily find out and this may worsen things. The only way to be sensitive to them is to truly learn to be one. In fact, being sensitive to melancholics make them love you the more. They love without thinking! That is the major way to make them submit to you gladly. By showering them with sensitive words “kill” them. When you are in love with a melancholic and want to win his or her heart, use the “key of sensitivity”. Most hearts of withdrawn and difficult looking girls are won with this key of sensitivity. With this key, you will realize that the love of melancholics cost nothing – though not cheap.
2. Since melancholics have an obsession for organization and schedules, give them stability. To do this, do things in ways they want to see them and at certain times.
3. When they are alienated and feel down, give them some space. At such times, they need some space that is strictly theirs. Give them a lot of time to come out of their shell. Being too aggressive on them will cause them to rebel.
4. Silence is beautiful to them. Create one for them! Control the volume of your TV set and radio and no screaming kids around them. At times they just feel like not answering phone calls. Do not be irritated when sometimes he or she refuses to pick up your calls. He or she may probably be enjoying that. This is not a sign that he or she does not love you! He or she may just be in the “melancholic times.”
5. Be quick to apologize when you see they are offended. The magic words will do, “I AM SORRY”. Say them with emotion and with a striking tone.
6. Avoid arguing with them even if they are wrong. That just makes them depressed, moody and very critical. Show them much love at such times by keeping it cool and silent. Remember silence is beautiful to them. That explains why most melancholics love quiet people!