Every man would want to know the secret to resolving conflicts between mother and wife. There is no doubt that a man knows best, how to deal with both the mother and wife in conflicting situations. Therefore, it is important for a man to don the role of a peace maker. Before you wonder how to proceed, here is an important piece of information that can help you solve your problem:
Traditional societies have set up a code of conduct for both a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law.
A mother-in-law is conditioned to have a formal relationship with her daughter-in-law. She is discouraged to be friendly, encouraged to be strict, speak less, take on the role of a mentor, listing the dos and do not s, the suitable and unsuitable, keeping a tab on her daughter-in-law's behavior. Where do you think this kind of schooling originates from? The answer: there are a lot of women, friends and relatives who train a mother to behave like a mother-in-law. All this is done to gain respect and maintain the authority over the newcomer: daughter-in-law. It may sound very ridiculous and offensive to some but it is true!
The daughter-in-law on the other hand is taught to impress her family, do her best to be in the good books, be obedient, and strictly advised not to voice out her opinions. In traditional families women are not encouraged to speak out and if one raises her voice she is labelled as a product of bad parenting. Many women post marriage transform to become a person unlike their self.
From what I stated above it becomes clear that when two individuals adopt socially acceptable behavior, personally they can never live on good terms. Here is a list of what a man can do to erase the differences between the two:
Interaction: help your mother and wife interact with each other on an informal level. At weekends, play games, go on a picnic, a movie. Enroll both of them to a music class or a gym. Do anything depending on your family's preferences, as this will improve communication between the two.
Responsibility: some mother's still prefer to be dictators leaving the daughter-in-law no option but to follow the orders. Encourage your mother and wife to take turns in managing the household responsibilities. This will give both of them the freedom to do what they like, reducing the friction.
Divide and rule: in extreme situations where things get worse day by day, try to keep the two away from each other for some time. Encourage your wife to pursue her hobbies and your mother to engage in activities that please her. Diverting their mind, can ease the tension and calm them. Meditation is another important activity that can reduce anger, bitterness and enlighten them about the benefits of living in harmony.
Do not take sides: the biggest mistake a man does is taking sides. Stop convincing your mother that your wife has done wrong unknowingly and stop convincing your wife that your mother did not intend to offend her. This will only add fuel to the fiery battle between the two, leaving you at the receiving end.
Counseling: a man can indirectly influence his mother's and wife's attitude towards each other. You do not have to sign up for a professional counseling course, but have the knack to change their mindsets. Talk to your mother about changing with times, being more liberal with your wife, citing examples. Talk to your wife about communicating with your mother, voicing out her opinions without offending your mother's sentiments or disrespecting her.
Privacy: most men discuss a lot about their wife with their mother. Conversations between husband and wife should remain personal and not a topic of discussion with the family. Your wife will feel hurt if she gets to know that you pass on her personal information to your mother and will stop confiding in you.
The battle between the mother and wife is age-old. The constant conflicts between the two have a negative impact on the family, disrupting peace and harmony. It's high time, we break the stereotype, change the attitude, and adopt a new and more liberal approach towards this relationship, shared by the mother and wife!