Do you know that unhappy, unsuccessful people:
- Ignore feedback
- Create a story of non ownership
- Find faults in the way the message was delivered
- Lies to cover up
And happy, successful people:
- Appreciate the message and the one who delivers it
- Acknowledge the lapse
- Find out what needs to be done, fixed
- And they do it!
In what group do you belong? How do you react on feed back?
“Feed back is the breakfast of champions”
Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson,
co-authors of “The One Minute Manager”
When we receive feedback, even a tiny bit of it, it shakes us up, and we get scared. That’s human. Fear involves loss of control, and you feel vulnerable. We take it as an attack on us, as a person, on our identity.
Some of us, if not most of us, learned that the feed back we got was true! So if some one criticised you, they either “had the right” to do it, or they knew something about you that you didn’t know yourself.
We learn through feed back, especially from people and events that don’t live up to our expectations. And we react on feed back with blame, or feeling victimized.
When we react with fear, blame the messenger and/or feel victimized we miss out on the greatest opportunity we have to invest in our selves! You see, when we set up every interaction as an opportunity to learn, we open up to a whole new world.
The issue is not to be non defensive all the time. Very few of us can do that. Just set a goal to catch yourself when you’re not listening, and get back on track as soon as possible. Shift away from indignation and into genuine curiosity.
“Ok”, you may say, “but this is just the way I am, I feel hurt and I don’t think he/she has the right to tell me stuff like that”. Know then, it is just a question of mind set. It is your personal decision if you want to learn, or defend. It is addictive to be right! In fact, many people prefer being right to being successful, or even feel good.
If you want to be successful over a long period of time, there is only one way: You must be coachable! The question is; how can you be more coachable?
Here are 3 key strategies you can use, every day, over and over again, to increase your openness to receiving feedback. Curiosity doesn’t cost a cent, but is the best investment you can do!
- Recommit everyday
- Check your reactions
- Expand in how many ways you can create wonder questions
- “I wonder what I need to see in this situation”
- “I wonder how I can listen with an open heart when I get negative feedback”
- “”I wonder how I can add more value to my company and advance my career”
- “I wonder how I helped create this situation”
- “I wonder…”
Every morning you recommit to your learning; to being open to learning. To learn from every interaction you’ll have. To learn from everything that comes in your way. Commit to openness and wonder, and appreciate your own openness and curiosity.
Do you tend to see it as someone messed with you, that what “they” did was wrong and caused you more problems? So they are responsible? How is your immediate reaction? So you tell people nearby that you had planned it differently but “they/he/she” decided something different and your great plan was demolished, so now you’re not responsible anymore?
And people agree, they feel sorry for you, and you feel that finally someone understands. But, how long does that feeling of satisfaction last? When comes the bitter taste? Choose to feel good and to be successful, and be curious instead!
To create a “wonder question” only takes a few seconds, and they provide powerful means for making curiosity a way of life. Here are a few to get you started:
This is an excerpt for the course program “Eliminate Burnout Ignite Your Career”. If you are looking for more daily stress management techniques or life skills for emotional wellness, go to www.EliminateBurnout.com